The reasons

I am on the edge of my bed, its 3 am in the morning I woke up halfway through with my sleep I can’t sleep. The reason I don’t dare to know. I am overcome with intensity of hurt crushing me narrowly in silence of the night. After all it’s a collective thought / feeling. There are only few people around that makes it a point to feel lonely about something’s and brood about it later on, as I did for myself. It’s a vicious circle, that old feeling of guilt kicking in and walking alone.
Finally I can figure out the things that happened to me in time around, it’s all the part of providence and life, doing all bits to teach lessons.
Awake when half the world is asleep, no one stands beside me .I am just through with a meaningless drive – after an illicit walkout into a person, equally harmless in routine. Control of nerves was what I learned and how to put too much of my face in there, jokes apart. Sex is sex, after all.
Closely chasing onto absurdity of details of events, people some of the truth began to tumble out, emanating righteously. I saw through lies and phoniness of my friends. The most annoying details I saw in this all was snobbery people resort to in time of face off with themselves as if they can’t take what they stand for.
There are no claims like “I am your best friends” and so on or someone coming over to me with all his/her heart poured out to me about anything at all. I just fear myself dead in the wake of the day when I think about the friends I chose to be my friends. I wish I can come back and remove some from my life. Thank god life offers you with no second chances.
The usual reference to the friendship so far has been a couple of names, because I never felt such paucity of a real person called friend even before followed by all what I am.
I look at this in another way the sooner the better, situations reveal man to him. So have I taken a leap in this quest it’s yet to be seen?
I feel handicapped when it comes to judging people they have their own pretensions disguised as particular attitude towards specific things. Just like a person who knows she doesn’t love you and hangs on to you pretending to do the same.
It’s face of death, like strangling someone to death on a comfy bed. Why everyone is so busy pretending to be what he she is not and in turn losing what one stands for.
It’s their own free will to chose and they chose to be losers. I can’t help it.
Loss of something brings something back to you, in the turn of events.