"An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness, not by reception."
Harold Loukes
Harold and wordsworth can wait, what about my definitions.
Love doesn’t seem to stay with me in any form and in any manifestation. Not long ago I wished I could love over and over again not bothering to look through anymore. Infectious, I may call it for obvious reasons once you are involved it’s tough to do without it or at least some one is at loss (partially).
Like you can never do without a Sunday morning sunshine, filtering through the narrow pass in that window of your, taking over the senses just when you wake up fresh out of your night-mere. You look around find yourself clinging to your sheet like an old rug never gave up; still in those pajamas you put on TV and make yourself a cuppa with your head humming like a drum off the last night’s hangover. And you, of course, forget the excruciating altercation you had over the bar with yourself. You can listen to yourself, still, without your phone numb and suddenly out of nothing you get back on your feet to grab your phone to dial a number. That is half formed in your memory but somehow you press harder on the keys and pressing the call button.
By then the cord of his rambling existence began to unravel for this moment in time when he himself had too much to care about. He believed he will never want to see her again so much as he knew. There were no false dreams, no love, no efforts to reclaim what he seemingly lost, since the last time they saw each other. Only for the time he felt he was too naïve to have looked at her the way he did, he realized he was being awfully exhausted in his share of free sunshine and he shrugged off from sharing it with anyone, just no one no more.
The cacophonous electronic beep inside of his ears one after another and punctured his patience even more. The beep now went on hold and….
“Yeah”
“I thought I wish you a happy birthday”
“Well thank you, why did you bothered”
“How are you doing?”
“I am great and you”
“I am great and it’s a great morning too”
“Where are you?”
“I am around”
“Hammmm”
“Finally I did heard what I was missing and you know what it never made any difference but the thing is that I didn’t said a single word to make it up, maybe I could have, but I didn’t see it happening to us and it made things just a bit like jungle and At the end of the day it had to happen. Why did you do this to me?”
“I hated liars, I told you”
“As if you entered an agreement yeah but that was meant for you can’t you see now?”
“Whatever I am not in for this today”
“Today is not you day”
“I killed it! And I am out here”
“Good for you! I know, you so much wanted it”
Say something (longer pause)
“I am not able to get rid of you”
“You will”
“Have you”
“Next question”
“I just did, I’ll hang up”
Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…… went the line
“I’ve lost it”
No one tells you how far you can go chasing that one big dream that never materialized (debatable).
Risking all what you have got to trade for them becomes an obvious alternative, rather cruelly crushing of reasons but that’s how it goes.
I go back to my bed to romance with my Engineering articles and my core loneliness with vestiges of my hopes intertwined with cynicism.
Its Nov. 2008 life has come full circle since then. I wonder why it (my life) screeched to an amusing halt for some time. Maybe because it just never sleep.
And move over oldies? He was right, when he painfully sung..
“”No one knows what it’s like to be a bad man
To be sad man behind blue eyes”
I’ve lost! The good part is I’ve lost her!! The bad part how did I lost her?
Maybe I still don’t have the answer.
Love doesn’t seem to stay with me in any form and in any manifestation. Not long ago I wished I could love over and over again not bothering to look through anymore. Infectious, I may call it for obvious reasons once you are involved it’s tough to do without it or at least some one is at loss (partially).
Like you can never do without a Sunday morning sunshine, filtering through the narrow pass in that window of your, taking over the senses just when you wake up fresh out of your night-mere. You look around find yourself clinging to your sheet like an old rug never gave up; still in those pajamas you put on TV and make yourself a cuppa with your head humming like a drum off the last night’s hangover. And you, of course, forget the excruciating altercation you had over the bar with yourself. You can listen to yourself, still, without your phone numb and suddenly out of nothing you get back on your feet to grab your phone to dial a number. That is half formed in your memory but somehow you press harder on the keys and pressing the call button.
By then the cord of his rambling existence began to unravel for this moment in time when he himself had too much to care about. He believed he will never want to see her again so much as he knew. There were no false dreams, no love, no efforts to reclaim what he seemingly lost, since the last time they saw each other. Only for the time he felt he was too naïve to have looked at her the way he did, he realized he was being awfully exhausted in his share of free sunshine and he shrugged off from sharing it with anyone, just no one no more.
The cacophonous electronic beep inside of his ears one after another and punctured his patience even more. The beep now went on hold and….
“Yeah”
“I thought I wish you a happy birthday”
“Well thank you, why did you bothered”
“How are you doing?”
“I am great and you”
“I am great and it’s a great morning too”
“Where are you?”
“I am around”
“Hammmm”
“Finally I did heard what I was missing and you know what it never made any difference but the thing is that I didn’t said a single word to make it up, maybe I could have, but I didn’t see it happening to us and it made things just a bit like jungle and At the end of the day it had to happen. Why did you do this to me?”
“I hated liars, I told you”
“As if you entered an agreement yeah but that was meant for you can’t you see now?”
“Whatever I am not in for this today”
“Today is not you day”
“I killed it! And I am out here”
“Good for you! I know, you so much wanted it”
Say something (longer pause)
“I am not able to get rid of you”
“You will”
“Have you”
“Next question”
“I just did, I’ll hang up”
Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…… went the line
“I’ve lost it”
No one tells you how far you can go chasing that one big dream that never materialized (debatable).
Risking all what you have got to trade for them becomes an obvious alternative, rather cruelly crushing of reasons but that’s how it goes.
I go back to my bed to romance with my Engineering articles and my core loneliness with vestiges of my hopes intertwined with cynicism.
Its Nov. 2008 life has come full circle since then. I wonder why it (my life) screeched to an amusing halt for some time. Maybe because it just never sleep.
And move over oldies? He was right, when he painfully sung..
“”No one knows what it’s like to be a bad man
To be sad man behind blue eyes”
I’ve lost! The good part is I’ve lost her!! The bad part how did I lost her?
Maybe I still don’t have the answer.
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