Another night

Somewhere in Scotland, i sit by my window open at 3AM, just now thought where i am going at this moment. My friend is sleeping over at the moment and my life is not that exciting, vulnerable to some human being, i must say. As much i like to believe i should go on with what i have started a strange feeling pulling me back saying i should rather not instead, it should be evil. The distance is apparently a big factor or i am just dreaming, what is not to be worked out is not supposed to be pursued. This all sorted, hoping to be present at some other place where i don't belong is just too much to think about, some other time. Friendship and love gives me a headache to an extent where i cant be myself shutting down whats not good for me at the moment. I think this life is good enough to be yourself, to make a good example out of your own. Love wont wont work, it just makes you worse, it would come to a full circle someday.

Poem for the unknown

The day sheds its warmth , unfolds into the dark

not long ago i thought, 

i cant no longer see the shining sun

and the beauty so free.

The echoes of the engine and moaning of the wild,

distant outbursts and phoney causes

laying down cold and waking up the same

with turn of dates i realised its too late 

too waste for all of my pain

i feared the part when we were together

missed you more when i knew i couldnt get you anymore

somehow it was fine to let go

the old musing went on

missing wreck was all i 

stumbling in the con of dark 

days went on like scorn

browsing novels, litting sensations

muttering fags, nothingness all i felt

forlorn musing continued on.....

I am a missing letter before battered eyes

struglling to find a vision

the sunshine sees through me the day

i held it with me right awake 

some distance before the miles melt

i walk through my dreams

all coming at once,as in warfront

ah!! it was bad.

i see morning smiling before me and i see you 

your eyes makes a jolly out of my life

i want to see that face forever again 

and i would never want it that way again,

if its not you.

Untitiled

Sunset at hostel

Exams started well on the scheduled date with first paper through I am waiting for the second to come over so that third maybe mugged up well like others. And so on.

The winters are on full swing since some 15 days and it is a chilling pleasure to sit in your room and watch those winds blow past the window pane. Outdoors are calm, soothing like an isolated plain stretch of desert which once used to witness rush. College campus blooms in winters with hardly anyone to witness the cold. The corridors once swarmed with students now stay mooted waiting to boot as soon as the semester begins. As a hosteller I am lucky to live close by the college which is 2 minute walk away. Exams came way too heavy on the winters with no time to enjoy the weather. All we do is sit and sleep and if time allows mugging is there to the rescue. No studies. The great engineers to be.

The semester are like fall, the season only blooms at the end when there are escape. We resort to text or cheaper versions. Tests are sometimes pissing. The span of these events always sends alarm signals ringing. They never been a burden to me but there timing has of-course been a bone of contention between no. of agreements and things that I need to do on time. For the record sake I have been through almost seven odd semesters in this college and like every time else my next move has not unraveled onto me. I sit back and lament on what I would have been doing if I were not here. Deeply annoying. But that’s the way it has been for over 3 years.

With all the perplexing delight to write this piece I am thrilled to think of the exams when they are over. There are lots of plans in place once exams get over. In the meantime New Year arrived too.

Past month (December/08) saw me accepting many changes .There has been sort of romance about everything giving way to my exasperations. In the turn of events stumbling onto different indulgences writing from reading, photography from movies, pure physics from magazines (not from textbooks mind you) mathematics is in the synchronous pipeline .Blogging from writing, someway interconnected. Time to take a leap, mates.

Someday I am suffering from chronic a headache instigated by the ugly textbooks that lay all around my room .My room is now a corner to abandon all the trash coming out of studies. My bed, desk stands and laptop are all book stands now. The place where I sit is an electrical hazard with all kind of wires you can imagine running freely anis tropically. There shall be no wonder if I get shocked out of this mess.

Time to inhale some fresh air.

Love

Goodbye 2008: Myriad musing

At the break of the year 2009 everyone was too busy on phone greeting each other blankly or gladly.The greetings were either forced or they were light hearted , letter one makes some sense.Out on streets chasing darkness with booze and high pitched sound systems the mantra is to lose control.There is too much done to celebrate new year.
The shine comes into play well ahead of a new year eve when we start to roll out the plans for that big day .....ooops night to correct it.

Everyone starts dreaming about the things they will do in new year and how they can make use of it in the best possible way.Its all good but people still dont get over the silly notion of "they will keep on doing the same thing they did on the first day of the year" good or bad -it sucks.

I was with some friends at the new year do in my hostel room , i called it do becuase for others it really was the same and i cant take the fun away from them just for the sake of being clear.some friends gathered with booze (that is the only thing you cant miss at such a party- and you cant say no), the only ceremonius concoction.I sat there with them in my room with no music, non-sense all over the place.It felt like we were given a lifetime chance to celebrate this momentous day and it will be our last day on this planet. Part started and everyone got into gear, especially my friend Akhilesh known for his stupid laughs at every point of the conversation no matter what it is. you'll see him chuckling and trying to expect the same from others. Well there we were with him Rohit and Seemant(meaning- one who never talks sense)

I was a little out of everything ,though i made a cool company but i was thinking of something else that was running my mind and i could'nt get it out.

Back again , hostel drama again.

"i know ,you know who is the mole " said one friend expecting a gaffe from me.
I nodded in affirmation .
"you have to be part of the crowd where some shitheads lead you to shit in your own home"he continued .There was lot of doubt clearing as the clock struck past 00:00 everone then greeted almost everyone.My body still aches because of the pain.

"I dont give a shit now(to all that happened and will happen) as i m out of this"said I.

There was a mild trans fusion music runnig in the backdrop of bonfire that was lit in the middle of the stretch in campus.I sat around there bidding goodbye to the times taht passed and trying to figure out what it is that really makes me happy.Conclusive of all the musing i did there is perserving effort in all my plans abot my future and present.

My new year resolution - "carry on the work where i left it , get clear of the clutters in the backyard"

A sunday afternoon and a cutting chai..

Breezing though my morning share of newspapers,a news declaring the coming of age of artwork what might someday could have reffered to have been kitcsh and grotesque now is revelling in the glory of modern culture that is shelter to the most deserving artforms these days.

i picked my cuppa sipped it half empty and steered clear of the page and i encounters a ruthless murder of journalism in name of commercial paper.The author of the article failed to appreciate even the smallest of the individual sensibilities while declaring loudly"the gang has arrived,you get ready to be massacred".Plainly i stand against cheapest of the journalism standards that are being aired 24*7 without knowing much the craving for real spiritual versions.

My cup was near its end and i just turned over to a newspiece saying "goodbye,wallstreet".Begging for a satire i found myself liking, i frowned at the hint of editing.

I am now about to end this romantic read and bid goodbye to some "wannabes good for nothing crappy papers".In the end it was a more balanced way of spending an afternoon.